People learn from their past mistakes and this affects their behavior in the future. If a relationship is marked by constant conflict, one of the partners may consult a psychologist or a friend who is an expert in relationships. After understanding the case, the friend may indicate that most arguments are based on a trigger from past relationships. Gaining insight is the
about how to prevent the past from interfering with the present, will contribute toward healing and changing your perspective about the situation and partner.
1. Stop accusing the other person
Often a person is very possessive in a relationship and wants to track the other person very closely. He or she may also accuse the other person of indulging in activities which they are not approved. However, the other person may feel that this is a breach of privacy, and resent this questioning. It is advisable not to be very possessive in a relationship.
2. Focus on what you want
Instead of blaming the other person for certain actions, it is advisable to focus on what you want from the relationship. It advisable to clearly define What do you want to happen in this situation? The trigger for the argument is usually from the other
person’s behavior. Ask yourself what you will accept and will not accept in this situation.
3. Get support
If there is a trigger in this situation which results in arguments, there is an unhealed part of you that needs outside support to heal. If the behavior of the other person is too difficult to handle, get group help and see that the individual gets help as well. If they are unwilling
to get help or change, go back to focusing on what you want and see what you are willing to accept as a compromise in this situation.
4. Communicate what you feel to the other person
Try not to blame them for things that have gone wrong, but that this subject has come up in your awareness and is
an issue for you and explain the reason for the conflict. It could reduce the possibility of conflict at a later date.
5. Try to forget the past
Try to forget the unpleasant incidents in the past, which affect the current relationships. No two people are the same, and to assume that the person you are in a relationship with will be similar to the person you had a relationship with earlier, will only make it difficult to sustain the current relationship.